Happy Birthday to Me

Happy Birthday to me. Sitting here. All Alone. While my husband is out working. It's ok though. I had a great party Saturday night. A bunch of my friends came out to my party that was all about me. We had a great time, and there was NO drama. Everyone got along great, and I truly couldnt have asked for a better party. Unless it was on the beach. But whatever, that is just plain dreaming. :) We won our first game of the new volleyball season tonight. We got moved up to the competitive league. It's going to be a rough one, but this is a great start. I know I said I would write more, and compared to the last year I have been, but maybe not close to what I said I would do. But is anyone out there in Bloggerland anymore? I think we are to addicted to facebook, which will die it's death just like MySpace is. And I think we will go back to blogging, also while passing time on the newest hottest thing.

Empty

It's so hard not to be angry and bitter. I am mad that this was brought into my life. I love those kids, but I am so angry at the harm that has mentally come to them. The venom that spews from their brainwashed mouths. Knowing that I will never be right in their eyes and minds. No matter much I love them and do for them, it will never be enough to make me good and whole for them. Everything I do is scrutinized and wrong, irregardless that it would be the same for my kids. I treat his kids the same as I would my very own. Those kids are my very own kids. And it makes me mad that I have to be seen in a different light. That sometimes "It's not my business". That as a stepmother I have no rights or feelings or wants or desires. Even though I suffer and live with the consequences everyday. More so than my husband. Because I am responsible for everything. Finding the lawyer. Typing things up. Reliving each and every horrible painful thing she has ever said or done to me and to us. Listen to my husband bitch and moan, but yet do nothing about it. Because most of the time it is personal against me. She will tell you that. She will tell you that it is my fault all this is happening. I am the reason she wont allow the children with their dad. I am the reason the marriage broke up. I am the reason for everything wrong in this world. I am the reason. In her mind. She gives me way too much credit for the bad things in this world. This vendetta that is destroying her soul. She lies about crimes that are untruthful and embellished. I don't know how much more I can take of this, and where is my limit. I love my husband, but my chest pains are getting worse and more frequent. The panic attacks are closer and closer. And with court dates, him having to take off from work, which we can ill afford, I don't know how much more I have in me.

It's been awhile

It has been awhile since I have stepped foot over in blog land. I miss it. I truly do. I sometimes lay (lie?) awake at night and write blog entries into my head, and I think if only I could just write them down so I wont forget them, naahhh I wont forget them, oh look shiny object, what blog? There has been so much going on in my life and I dont even know where to start. Or how much to write now, save for later. What can I write, what CANT I write? This is a confusing time for my brain. Is anyone even out there reading and waiting for my blog to light up that it is new again? Does anyone even care anymore? I think it is time to jump into blogland again because I miss it. I truly do. I miss the people I have met and grown to care about. I miss being able to just pour my feelings on here uncensored. I can say how I truly feel on here, and not fear the repurcussions. This is my truth and I want it out there. I vow to start writing again. Once a week is my minimum goal, and more if possible. Come back to me please?

I WANT IT BADDDDDD

http://shop.cafepress.com/volleyball

First Post of the New Year

Ahh my first post of the New Year. If you are expecting a doozy, well you may get it. I dont know how much I have to say. So let's see. New Year's Eve? Did nothing. Stared at my family who were fighting to stay away until midnight. I drank some champagne but that was about it. New Year's Day we started our trek home to R R from Salida, CO. Normally a 17 hour drive but with 6 people, there are always bathroom/thirsty/hungry breaks, and we stopped in Dumbass, I mean Dumas, Texas. It stunk by the way, but the hotel was pretty nice. Up at 6 the next day and away we go. We had 2 cars, and were convoying. In my car it was my Momma, Sissy, and Me. Can you just imagine the Conversation in That car? Ears should be turning red. But it was great to spend some quality alone time with them, and it is never enough. Friday night just hung out with Kenny and Michelle for dinner. Saturday, my awesome StepMom, met us in Columbus for the exchanging of the animals. The exchange was we get the dogs, and my parents get their sanity back. I picked up Sissy's dog too cause she is writing a 64!! page paper that is due Tuesday, and didnt have time to pick up Chassis, her dog. So me being the Awesome Amazing, Sister that I am, I have Chassis until Tuesday. M and my gift for Christmas was a new cd player for the Tahoe. Ours broke and I just couldnt stand it. So our new one is soo NIFTY. It has bluetooth, so my cell phone comes through the radio speakers, and it connects to M's IPOD, and my NEW ITOUCH!! WOOT WOOT!! Who's Bad?! So the IPOD comes thru the speakers. Sunday, we did NOTHING!! We were so tired, we didnt get out of bed until 2:30. Yeah, that IS lazy, haha. Keep your fingers crossed, I am applying to GISD for substituting. RRISD was full. Now, I am NOT leaving my awesome job with KA. This would be in Addition to. I have a light work and school load this semester, and what better way to make some extra money. I am super excited, I just need to get into an orientation that isnt full. I am on the waiting list for the next one. FINGERS CROSSED!! Well keep UT in your prayers tonight. Our bowl game is being played tonight against Ohio state. We Should Have Been playing for the National Championship but WHATEVER!! YOU HEAR ME BCS PEOPLE!! WHATEVER!!!!!! Communists!!! I hope everyone had a great Christmas/New Years Eve 2 weeks, and all that stuff.

We got Elfed

http://elfyourself.jibjab.com/view/a9ab0m0Oy6fLIBZ79XWM




Thanks Meli!!!

One of my favorite songs right now

The Airborne Toxic Event - "Sometime Around Midnight"

Click on it. You know you want to.

The Airborne Toxic Event - Sometime Around Midnight Lyrics

And it starts, sometime around midnight.
Or at least that’s when you lose yourself
for a minute or two.
As you stand, under the bar lights.
And the band plays some song
about forgetting yourself for a while.
And the piano’s this melancholy soundtrack to her smile.
And that white dress she’s wearing
you haven’t seen her for a while.

But you know, that she’s watching.
She’s laughing, she’s turning.
She’s holding her tonic like a cross*.
The room’s suddenly spinning.
She walks up and asks how you are.
So you can smell her perfume.
You can see her lying naked in your arms.

And so there’s a change, in your emotions.
And all these memories come rushing
like feral waves to your mind.
Of the curl of your bodies,
like two perfect circles entwined.
And you feel hopeless and homeless
and lost in the haze of the wine.

Then she leaves, with someone you don’t know.
But she makes sure you saw her.
She looks right at you and bolts.
As she walks out the door,
your blood boiling
your stomach in ropes.
Oh and when your friends say,
“What is it? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Then you walk, under the streetlights.
And you’re too drunk to notice,
that everyone is staring at you.
You just don’t care what you look like,
the world is falling around you.

You just have to see her.
You just have to see her.
You just have to see her.
You just have to see her.
You just have to see her.
You know that she’ll break you in two

12/22/08

Soooo how was everyone's weekend? Mine was pretty awesome if I may say so myself. And I think I just did. Let's see. Let's backtrack to Friday. Went to Thyroid doctor, everything looks good. Had to give about 20 quarts of blood, just to make sure, but as of right now Thyroid doing A-Ok. Then I went and got my hair did. It is a much darker color, but since it will fade, it will become more of my natural (? who knows?) color, and I wont have to dye it as much. And when I say dark, I mean almost blackish. Cause you know dyeing costs money and stuff. Then greatest of all greatest, we got the kiddos!! I am soo happy. There was a little drama involved, but hey when is there not? But it was very little drama, so that is a feat in it self. Then we went to see "The Day the Earth Stood Still" with future baby daddy Keanu Reeves. **SPOILER ALERT** It is a tree hugger movie about saving the planet before it is too late, or aliens will come and take over and exterminate us. So save a tree, Save a Planet. Saturday we just went shopping and spent all of our money. Ok maybe not all, but most, haha. We just hung out and played Wii all night. Marty had to work, so the kids and I played the new Rayman Rabbid TV game that they got as an early Christmas present. It is a blast, though we need a few more pieces to fully enjoy this particular game. Sunday we had our Flores Family Christmas. It was awesome to have all of the siblings together under one roof, though they do it often anyways. But 4 Siblings, and their spouses and kids. and let's just say Noisy and Loud, but awesome. We got great gifts too. Tori and Timmy (my kiddos), have cousins their own ages so they just played and played. On our way home we stopped at this store called, "Steve and Barrys". They are having a Huge going out of business sale. So let's just say I got a bunch of jeans and stuff. Each pair of jeans were $7.49!!!!!! And they arent crappy either. And Tori and Timmy also got clothes. Marty got a shirt. Since they have been having this sale for a while the pickings were slim but since I am big girl, they had lots of pants in my size, (thank you small Mexicans!!). And did I mention how cold it is here?? It was 29 when I came to work today. And we keep the heater off at work, so it was in the 50's inside. I cranked that badboy on, and now it is 68. Once it hits 74 SOLD!! One of the mothers brought us hot cocoa and cinammon rolls this morning. God bless people like that. Well I will be at work all day today and manana. Which is cool, cause can you say Mo Money? Mo Money. Good Job. Well I am off to kiss a lizard.

Words of Wisdom

Here are some words of wisdom from my father.


Someday someone may kill you with your own gun, but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty.

12/16/08

Hello my people. Well I am just having one of THOSE days. First of all, it is COLD. And I mean like hurts to breath cold. Then I am trying to get to my doctors office and my windshield was frozen up. Okkkk, so I get the ol Sam's Club card and used that (that is about all I use it for now anyways). So of course I am a few minutes late for the appointment. Still that is no excuse to make me wait 1 1/2 hours. Ree Donk Cue Lus, I am telling you. I go to get a mole checked out. I come out finding that he thinks there is another growth on my thyroid, so Friday I have to go to an Endocrinologist and get it checked again. I am dreading it because if I have to have it removed, well let's just say it really sucked last time. My body has finally recovered from it. AND I still have to get the mole removed. And I have to get a damn root canal in January. What the Eff? Hello Body? Stop Breaking on Me. I Demand it. So because my doctor ran so late, I barely made it to my dentist office on time. Then I ran around taking goodies to other doctor's offices for my work. COLD outside. But lucky for me I missed the ice somehow, because we did have it. Today was just one of those blustery days for me mentally and the weather. It is going to get much warmer this weekend and then next week just in time for traveling time and Christmas it will get really really cold again. Bahhh

Soo It's been a while

Yeah well so sue me. I had finals last week, and something was always Happening. M's dad was sick, and is still sick but now with something else. The holidays are coming up, so while I think I have plenty of time, I am working more, and getting all of my appointments done while I am on break from school. My life is going great right now. I LOVE LOVE my job, I dont think I could have writen a better job for me. Lately I have been writing down quotes when they pop in to my head. Sometimes they are song quotes, sometimes they are just funny sayings I actually come up with myself. I need to get a notebook for me that I can carry with me, so I can write them down at all times. Like when I am driving and come up with a great saying.

Since I am such a loser I will repost my daily email from today.


Oh Em GEE. It is colder than a welldigger's butt in the Klondike. Yesterday I was in a tshirt and jeans, and now I am frozen. Literally FROZEN. I dont like this crap at all. Hope everyone had a great weekend. My Sissy was in town, so all was well. Went to my awesome work party Friday night, had a great time. My peoples are cool, so I am lucky. Saturday vegged, and I mean vegged out on the couch doing nothing but reading and watching TV. Then we went to Grahams, because Sissy needs to be reintroduced to the fun scene. And I am just the person to do that. Sunday we went to San Antonio and walked around the Mercado. (that's the Market for you white people). Then we got to go to the Spurs game courtesy of Yvonne (thank you!!). Spurs won, so all is good. It was still 70 degrees at midnight when I got home. Stupid Polar Front. And it's really Windy. And we all know how I feel about the Wind. No me gusta. I found out this morning I have to get a root canal. I am waiting for January though, because of the deductible. Sounds fun right??? Well that is all I have to say for now. Unless you want to talk about the Kindle. It is the most amazing thing EVER

Tessa F 1996-2008

Guardians Of The Night

Author - Unknown

Trust in me my friend for I am your comrade.
I will protect you with my last breath
When all others have left you
And the loneliness of the night closes in, I will be at your side.
Together we will conquer all obstacles,
And search out those who might wish harm to others.
All I ask of you is compassion, The caring touch of your hands.
It is for you that I will unselfishly give my life
And spend my nights unrested.
Although our days together
May be marked by the passing of the seasons
Know that each day at your side is my reward.
My days are measured by
The coming and going of your footsteps.
I anticipate them at every opening of the door.
You are the voice of caring when I am ill.
The voice of authority when I've done wrong.
Do not chastise me unduly For I am your right arm,
The sword at your side.
I attempt to do only what you bid of me.
I seek only to please you and remain in your favor.
Together you and I shall experience A bond only others like us will understand
When outsiders see us together Their envy will be measured by their disdain.
I will quietly listen to you
And pass no judgment, Nor will your spoken words be repeated
I will remain ever silent, Ever vigilant,ever loyal.
And when our time together is done
And you move on in the world
Remember me with kind thoughts and tales,
For a time we were unbeatable,
Nothing passed among usundetected.
If we should meet again on another street
I will gladly take up your fight,
I am a Police Working Dog and together
We are guardians of the night

Good night my Tessa. You had an unforgettable life and you fought your last courageous battle with valor. You protected me when M was gone, and you gave your life so that the streets would be safe.
You will forever be M's partner. We will meet again where you will always be pain free and there will be plenty of tennis balls. :)

We love and miss you.